Farting and allied gas emmissions act of 2010

These are the amendments to the farting and allied gas emmissions act of 2010 of the republic of Kenya which go into effect WITH IMMEDIATE EFFECT.

1) Farting is described as the act of emmitting gases of all types and intensity, loud or silent, accidental or intentional, wet or dry through the rear opening or any other foul-smelling gases released through but not limited to the mouth.

2) The City council of Nairobi and other such metropolitan area authorities are to establish clearly marked FARTING ZONES.

3) NO FARTING SIGNS should be prominently displayed on all public places including but not limited to public service vehicles, bars, restaurants and pavements.

4) ALL CITIZENS have the constitutional right to slap anyone who farts in a public place provided they have two witnesses to the act. If they have more than two witnesses, the slaps increase per witness they have.

5) Repeat offenders will be required BY LAW to wear a bell around their necks. The size of the bells will be directly proportional to the lethal-ness of the fart.

6) All toilets and Police stations are recognized by this law as legal farting zones and any person has the right to fart in these zones.  

7) Regarding 6) above, a person will however be charged if any such farting activities results in acts of fainting or suffocation by other persons in the designated farting zone.

8) The following persons are however exempt from these restrictions: Expectant women, Persons above the age of 70 years, persons with disabilities and Esther Arunga.

You are all requested to abide by the new law. Offenders will face the full force of the law. Punishment will include above indicated punishments, installation of chimneys of their rears of total blockage of their gas outlets with a dry maizecob or other available materials.

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