..3 CHEERS FOR THE PLACENTA PARTY...

The moment I have been waiting for is nigh. My chance to choose an outfit, whose vision I believe in. Behold my party. Behold, the Placenta Party of Kenya. Before you all brand me bonkers, exercise temperance and indulge me as I explain myself. 

The genesis of my defence is directed to the proponents of this political outfit. Nimrod Hellon Onyango and Esther Arunga Timberlake nee Arunga. These two citizens of our beloved country thought it wise to use a name that conjures up thoughts of the birth process as their party name. They dared to tread on Kenyans’ conservative and religious sentimentalities. Quite a bold move if you ask me. I admire people who flex their confrontational muscles. For this, if anything, they score highly on my sheet.

President Hellon and Vice President Arunga. I must admit I just can’t wait for this. Let me draw a mental picture of this projected scenario. An eloquent, metrosexual leader whose love for huge words is overwhelming. Sample his code name crub nebula while his campaign is Vendetta Supa Nova. To deputise him will be a former telecaster who was inches away from kissing celebrity status hello. A lady known for her beauty, lovely voice and the talented ease with which she read the news. Contrasting this with the current situation at State House, all I can say is BRING ON 2012!

For once Kenya would be led by a man who understands the importance of personal grooming. Hair glo gel will be in vogue once more. A president born in the saxophone era but has managed to embrace bling and perfected the culture down to the carat. A lady Vice whose fashion sense is impressive with flawless makeup and hairdo to ice it all. Trend savvy Kenyans must be nodding their heads in agreement.
For style, the president in waiting Hellon, he scores an A. He resides in the prestigious Runda estate. He plays a saxophone people…a SAXOPHONE!!! The only guy who floors him in this sector is the Madagascar deejay president. After a public speech, I’m sure he will gladly show off his skills. As for soft drinks, the two steer clear of local brands. They have cultivated a love for Pepsi. Daring to be different!!!

If you’re still too stubborn to accept that this is the party to roll with, I have two names for you: Sarah Palin and Larry King. My new found party has managed to secure a visit from this two Americans. Larry’s interview show on CNN is a must watch for me. It is of the reasons why I need satellite television at my humble abode urgently. This guy has hosted hundreds of the so called VIP’s. And my leaders have managed to secure him, to come cover him, without seeming to break a sweat. They seem to have all the relevant numbers in their phone.

After just a few weeks, they two are showing promise in the political game. One, you have to be slavish to mastering the fine art of double-speak. Arunga quit her media job claiming she was underpaid. Later on, she sued the same media for Ksh 30 million. While on the same huff and puff, she attempted to haul her parents to court claiming Ksh 300 million in compensation for their unwarranted concern. Weeks after claiming she was not getting married to one Quincy Zuma Timberake, the same happened. (In prison?) all this sets the stage for future pronouncements like “I was misquoted”, “my political opponents want to besmirch my character”……Way to go Esther. 

To arrest the risk of shoving my party down your throats, I beg to halt my argument. I hope that the Placenta Party of Kenya has acquired new members. We assure you, we are the party to be in, change you can count on. 

I leave you with the wise words of of our party leader in defence of the political name. “Our country is going through a gestation period. We are in our first trimester. A time is going to come for labour and we will push and push hard. Kenya is going to give birth. We will go from the bondage of Egypt to Canaan”Crub Nebulla

MUGAMBI₂₀₁₀