Fruitless Tree

The other day, I agreed to withdraw from Zain modems after Zain decided that the service does not work. What is worse, I spent more time on the phone with Zain with them LYING to me that they have 99% uptime. Kiss my LIMURU MANUFACTURED DONKEY!!! To begin with Kencell/Celtel/Zain/Bharti is a joke. They have never really committed to it, so its a wonder they expect it to work.
Mobile Landscape 2010 Wishlist
1. Kencell/Celtel/Zain/Bharti fire and imprison Rene Meaza and the ENTIRE board of directors and all the staff including the security guards and bring committed people who are less concerned about publicity appearances and are brave to take on risks. While in prison, Rene discovers he has been truly confused about his sexuality and marries Bishop Margaret.
2. Orange fires everyone and rebrands as Orange, but only this time, they have smart and less greedy people. Honestly, the Frenchies are just greedy and I wonder if they are helping much here.
3. Safaricom exorcises fires Peter Arina or moves him to work as a customer services officer, because he lies too much, Michael Joseph finds Jesus through Martha Karua’s BF and gets saved, drops the arrogance and then gracefully bows out and brings in Bitange Ndemo as the CEO. Lets cut the charades here and just be honest. That is what he would rather be doing. Ndemo later declares that he has advised the Electoral Commission that it would be cheaper and more secure into using the list of registered users in Safaricom as the official voters roll, meaning that Pius Muiru wins the 2012 election with Esther Arunga as PM and VP since Muiru is the real fingers.
4. Yu is acquried by Kencell/Celtel/Zain/Bharti and their 3000 customers finally give Zain a true 1,000,000 customers. Their 1,000,000th customer is Rene Meaza who finally admits he had a Safaricom line all this time.
5. Paul Kukubo becomes the Director General at the CCK replacing Mr Waweru. Kukubo thus gaining a 5% chance of relevance once again in the tech scene since he is adamant about changing the landscape. He regulates all mobile providers into using Safaricom green for their marketing and corporate colours and further mandates that all other networks must sell 10 Safaricom sim cards to sell one of their own. For Christmas, gava suffers a scandal and losses 100k shillings of donor money, diverts the funds, and buys him a half a front tooth to give him a full set.
6. Kibaki remembers he is a man, and a President and that sometime this year, we have number portability coming up and to save himself the agony of coming out of bed, hustles Waweru into effecting, thus changing the landscape of mobility permanently. Ofcourse Kibaki could cut off his head and walk around like a headless chicken and the government might actually perform better. Who knows.
7. Raila expels suspends himself from government. Even from a roof with a rope could work. I don’t know why, but this would make my phone work better, I just know it. Maybe its the hair dye.
8. A 100% Kenyan owned non government organization made up of under 40 year old nerds, geeks, business peoples and hot chicks are granted a 3G licence to launch their own local mobile network without outside investors financed by local money. The network has fixed everything, makes sense and works. To show that we can do it.
9. Government get serious, fires Vodafone and buys them out and sells Safaricom to the Somali Pirates, Daniel Toroitich Arap Moi, Nicholas Biwott, George Saitoti and Brother Paul Pattni. Chairman of the board is Ferdinand Waititu who is given an glass office as official professional help for throwing stones. Safaricom them moves office to Embakasi to cut down costs and forces JKIA to relocate to Athi River since they obscure Waititu’s view of the National Park. Waititu later declares that all residents of his constituency use Safaricom, bringing the subscriber base to 1 billion people.
10. I have just one day of peace where my phone works perfectly. Just one.